Whether your little one cries or clings or both, learn how to identify signs of separation anxiety and to soothe it.
By Mali Anderson
For many toddlers, goodbyes can bring tears, screams, and outbursts. Since young children form such strong bonds with their parents, it’s natural for them to feel hesitant about leaving the comfort and security they know. Understanding separation anxiety can help you support your child and make the transition easier.
Why Do Young Children Struggle with Saying Goodbye?
Toddlers may feel anxious when separated from parents for many reasons, but the main one is that they still see their caregiver as central to their sense of safety. Because young children have not yet developed a clear understanding of time, even a short absence can feel endless to them. Leaving without saying anything can make the situation worse, as the child may think the parent is gone for good. A calm, brief farewell helps them learn that the absence is only temporary.
Separation anxiety can also show a child’s growing independence. As Miranda Goodman-Wilson, assistant professor of psychology at Eckerd College in St. Petersburg, Florida, points out, children begin to form their own views — like not wanting a parent to leave — and try to assert that control.
How to Recognize Separation Anxiety
Many young children experience separation anxiety, especially between 8 and 18 months of age. Instead of easing into time apart, some little ones may cry, cling to a parent, or resist being comforted by another caregiver the moment they sense mom or dad is leaving. Others may become restless at bedtime, act fearful if left in a different room, or have meltdowns during daycare drop-off.
These reactions usually fade once the parent is out of sight, but in the moment they serve an important developmental purpose. By showing distress, children are trying to keep close to the person who provides them with love, care, and security.
When Does Separation Anxiety Fade Away?
Most children gradually outgrow separation anxiety as they get older, though it can resurface from time to time. Periods of illness, stress, or major changes often bring these feelings back, even for toddlers or preschoolers who have already adjusted well to daily drop-offs. For example, a two-year-old who usually says goodbye easily at daycare may suddenly cling to a parent when feeling unwell or overwhelmed.
While these setbacks can be frustrating, they are a normal part of development. Each child follows their own timeline, so there is no exact age when the anxiety disappears completely. In some cases, it may take a few months before the behavior eases. Parents should also expect occasional regression, especially during transitions such as moving to a new home, going on vacation, or recovering from illness.
Ways to Help Your Child Cope with Separation Anxiety
Hearing your child cry at goodbye can be tough, but it’s also a sign of a strong and healthy bond. You can ease the transition by calmly explaining that you love them and will return soon. A comfort item, such as a favorite stuffed animal, can provide reassurance while you’re away. Consistent routines also help children feel more secure and in control of their day. Creating a simple ritual — like saying “See you later, alligator” or sharing a goodbye handshake — gives your child a predictable signal that makes parting easier.
When Is Separation Anxiety a Cause for Concern?
According to Julia F. Heberle, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Albright College in Reading, Pennsylvania, it’s important to pay attention if your child’s separation anxiety seems extreme. Consider the circumstances — parental conflict, divorce, or issues within the child-care setting can all heighten symptoms. If your toddler shows excessive reactions such as persistent worry or even vomiting, it’s best to consult your pediatrician.
Courtesy of: https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/starting-preschool/separation-anxiety/dealing-with-separation-anxiety/
